with Larra Jones and Jim Carey

12 Steps to Becoming the Perfect Husband

MightyMouse1I have a couple of additions to the list:

  1. Make her laugh.
  2. Remember her birthday. [May 12]
  3. Remember your anniversary. [December 22]
  4. Scrub the commode, no matter who soiled it.
  5. Make the bed. She’ll be silently grateful.
  6. Call her sweetie, honey pie, whatever… That way you’ll never call her by your ex’s name.
  7. When you’re feeling snarky, stop and eat. If she’s getting snarky, feed her. [Definition of Snarky]
  8. Never run out of wine. Memorize her favorite, and get the gallon bottle at Costco.
  9. Memorize her standard Tim Horton (or Starbuck’s, or McDonald’s) breakfast order. Surprise her with it once in a while.
  10. Shave every day. Shower, too.
  11. If you’re going to eat onions, unusual food, smoke cigars or drink moonshine, keep bottles of mouthwash in the bathroom, beside the bed, and in the car. Eat lots of mints, too.
  12. If you’re out with the boys and smoke cigars, strip naked on the front porch before going in the house, and then shower immediately. Do #11 repeatedly.

Do this and you can forget the name of her dog, the names of her parents, even her kid’s names, and all will still be well.

  • Jim
Post Tagged with ,

2 Responses so far.

  1. Larra Jones says:

    Don’t ever forget the name of my dog!

    • Jim Carey says:

      Actually, the name of your dog is easy, because he’s named after that famous tuna fish, Charlie of Star Kist. “Sorry, Charlie,” is my mnemonic. Easy-peasy.

      And your daughter is named after a Beatles’ song, so “Michelle, my belle,” is easy, too.

      Your son-in-law? Jarrod, the spokesperson for Subway.

      Hahahahahahah! At the same time, my point still stands – don’t forget her birthday or your anniversary. Yours is sometime in March, isn’t it, Larra? LOL

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

5 + 9 =

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.